So, there's good news, and bad news. Since you don't want to read me ramble on for pages and pages, skip down to the TL;DR at the bottom. Kindest Regards, The Management.
So, I'll start with the bad news, because I am an asshole who likes the start out the day by shattering you all with bad things, then slip the good in at the end while you're not looking because you're so busy crying your pansy ass eyes out. Seriously, I haven't even given you the bad news yet, and we've already covered the subject of you being a pansy ass cry baby; Dry up, you friggin' pussy.
But, I digress. Not that your pansy asses should ever be considered a digression, because it is basically the only topic that matters here. Regardless, the bad news is that I am yet again having internet problems. I can hear you all gasping in shock at this revelation. Yes, my normally incredibly sturdy and fast internet is once again not working. Why might this be, you are probably asking yourselves! Well, actually, no, you're not. Because you just skipped to the bottom to avoid the multiple paragraphs of rambling, self-important prose. Which, I guess makes this a soliloquy? I am soliloquising my ass off here, probably creating fathoms of dramatic irony doing backflips over your heads like some kind of ninja ballerina. A flipping flying pirouette of things-you-don't-get-fully soaring through the air above you. Like a majestic eagle. Flying a blimp. Still, for my own benefit, I will inform this textbox, which is the only thing that will ever observe my frustrated wordsmithery, why my internet is not working. My god damned middle class pansy ass roommate thought it would be a good idea to change the password then go back to his parents house for a few days without telling anyone the new password.[i] Incase you haven't figured out by now, italics mean I am particularly irate. Which is ironic, because if I'm personalising my font, I normally go for simple white italics, despite the fact that I am not normally irate. Oh, was the irony somersaulting undetected by your cerebral cortex as it rests lazily below? Colour me surprised. No, really. Go to the nearest hardware store and go look through the Dulux paint selection until you find "P48G5 - Strawberry Surprise" and ask the shop attendant how much you'd need to colour a tall, slender British genius surprised. Seriously. I want to be covered in shit-pink enamal so bad right now.
So yeah. Until dumb little rich kids start not being somewhere else and preferably go die so I can change our ISP without complaints to something that works like I suggested in the first place, rather than what mommy and daddy used because they are too old to understand computers, I will be communicating entirely via university internet. Which I can get at only during daytime hours most of the time. Which is great, since I tend to have lectures during the day. And if I don't, I like to sleep during the day. It suits my body greatly. Fuck vitamin D, I eat a shit tonne of liver. I quite like it, even if other people think it's really offal. That one was humour, not irony, so you're not getting anymore sub-avian apex jokes.
Anyhow, I really, really, really needed to rant about that. Hence the post. Instead I ended up researching paint colours to make obscure unattainable jokes that probably only I find funny. But it was stress relieving, so I guess it did its' job. Anyhow, I'm gonna be slow on posting stuff because of this craziness. "Soz duds."
Believe me, I don't mean dudes. You are definitely duds. Maybe suds.
Okay, since I've done the whole life-shattering-blow-to-the-face-part, I guess this is the part where I slip you the good news. Slip it into your drink while you're busy crying, so I can pretend you just got really blotto and can't remember what happened. I already arranged for a hotel room, so you wouldn't know where I live. Maybe next time you'll stay with your friends next time you go to such a grotty, disreputable nightclub. You didn't think those holes in the cubicle walls in the toilets were some kind of design fault, did you? Shit's for anonymous copulation. Surprise! Insemination!
But yeah, the good news is that there's a new campaign on the way. Something a little different. From the three things that are all already very different from each other. This isn't the campaign I've mentioned to some of you already, which may or may not be coming. I am thinking of calling it Not The Lonely Bard But Something Totally Different Probably Not Involving Any Bards At All Because There's Only Like Four Of You And A Buff Class Would Be A Total Waste In Such A Small Party Seriously Zak Will You Stop Telling Me How Great Bards Are They Blow Long Pipes Get It Probably Not You Dumb Intercourse. This is something I am doing purely out of pure evilness. Because I am evil like that. You will all die. Not because the campaign is impossible, but because you are not good enough for it. Have fun spending several hours building characters who're gonna die off in a matter of minutes, losers!
So, that'll probably be posted up in a few hours, if all goes well. If not, then it probably means the internet hates me. Or the librarian. She is glaring at me right now, like typing should be forbidden. Sucks to be you, this library was designed with laptops in mind! Students are supposed to come down here to work! Which is what I'm doing! Okay, so the working is separate to the fathoms of typing, but you don't know that! No need to glare at me for doing what the place was designed for, which is typewriter impersonations. Clackity clackity clackity ding, mother fornicator.
Okay, that's about everything, me thinks. Go post declaring how you totally read this and didn't just skip to the TL;DR, despite the fact that you totally didn't read it and just skipped to the TL;DR. Like a little bitch. Probably a Chiwawa or a Jack Russell or some shit like that. A rat with a hairy tail. Only a female one, in your instance. Nipples down your chest like buttons on a trenchcoat. That shit's military.
TL;DR? I can only use internet in college, not at home for a short while. On the bright side, new campaign coming! Not the one you think is coming, either.
Still TL;DR? Bad internet, more DnD.
Still TL;DR? BOO!
Tue Jan 31, 2012 9:26 pm
